Greed, Envy and Goats

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Here is the thing, I am NOT a patient person. People tell me “I can’t homeschool because I’m not patient like you”….then my kids and I laugh. Why? Because patient, I am not, but this post is not about patience while homeschooling or about homeschooling at all. It’s about this season of my life where God is teaching me to be still, to savor the moment, this place in time. About me learning to be content and about God’s provision. I always want what I want NOW! And my financial state is proof of that. I’ve been through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University twice, and failed. It’s not that I don’t believe in what Dave is selling me, I do, wholeheartedly. It’s just that patience thing, because I want it NOW! Fortunately I’m an extremely thrifty person, thanks to my mom, so that makes it easier to get things I want. I even like to justify my greediness with the fact I got such a great deal on it. The past year I have not bought things out of impulse, kept a tight budget that I have only blown a handful of times and I’m starting to see the fruits. God is showing me how beautiful his timing can be, not only when it comes to worldly possessions but in relationships as well. This verse is one that has meant so much to me during this season:

There is far more than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:18 (The Message)

Why do I always think that things are limited to my vision, based solely on what I can see. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that appearances mean nothing.

So up until this point all of this learning to be content and trusting God to provide for my needs and all of that has been easy compared to when I decided I wanted a milk goat. I want a milk goat, oh, let’s just say… YESTERDAY! Normally I would do everything in my power to make a desire like this happen. I wouldn’t care what it would cost in the future , or now, or about the bottom line. Hence my current financial situation. Save up for something? Take some time to gather information and research the best ways of getting things or going about it? Or better yet, waiting for God’s provision (if it’s something I actually need)? Pshh! Never. Last night I got this bright idea, after looking at pictures of adorable goats, I know, that doesn’t help. My bright idea? Pray, pray about goats. Ask him if I really need the goats, because only he knows if I will actually enjoy having them or if they will overall benefit our homestead. Not only is he the one who knows, but he’s the one that can provide. God has promised to provide everything I need and if I don’t have it, then I must not need it.

I’ve repented, and then had to repent again of the greed I’m my heart. I need to set an example for my children of waiting on God and finding joy and gratitude in contentment. So while all of you goat people will be posting pictures of your goats I’ll be repenting of envy and patiently waiting for God to make a way for me to have some of my own, if in fact I actually need them.

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Finding Beauty In The Ugly

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This past weekend we took a road trip to the Abiline area of Texas to visit my husband’s parents. My mother-in-law told me it’s considered “Big Country”.
I live along the coast surrounded by huge Oak and Pecan Trees, lush green grass fills yards where kids run barefoot almost year round. While in the “Big Country” my son ended up with a barefoot full of stickers and my daughter stepped on a cactus and the needles went through her shoe. I personally love the Texas Hill Country and long for it when I’ve been away too long. I adore the rocks and hills and clear rivers that rush through it. But this “Big County” is a place I haven’t visited much. At first glance it’s…well, it’s ugly. Brown grass, scrubby mesquite trees, cacti and dirt everywhere. During our hikes around my husband’s family land and adjoining property I discovered something…something beautiful.

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When I began to look more closely I was surprised at the beauty I found in things like that, and like this.

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Then I began to think about the book I had just finished, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp where she talks about finding beauty in the ugly. Life is hard sometimes, but God has beauty strung throughout the ugliness that happens. It’s there, just not at first glance. It’s like this “Big Country”, you have to look a little harder to see it. In the midst of having loved ones all around me going through various trials, some unimaginable, some overwhelming, lots of broken hearts and confusion, I can hold onto God. Through all of the ugly I can’t forget to stop and look at the beauty because it’s always there, I just have to take the time to look for it.

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